What’s in a name?

…that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. If I remember my Cliffnotes correctly, that’s from Romeo and Juliet.

Easy for Juliet to say. She and Romeo had awesome names, hand picked by the greatest wordsmith of all time. Would their names be synonymous with passion and romance if instead of Romeo and Juliet Shakespeare had gone with Hasslehoff and Krotchswett?

Beats me, but I do know that if Shakespeare ever had kids, his wife/mistress/stagehand wouldn’t have given a crap about his literary credentials when it came time to name the kid.

Baby girl, I’m the greatest writer the world has ever seen. My words are etched forever on the souls of the hopeful. I think I know what I’m talking about!

To which he can expect to hear something along the lines of I don’t care if you wrote the New Testament, Ophelia is a whore’s name AND I AIN’T RAISIN’ NO WHORE!

We have kicked around girl names and boy names and first names and middle names for months now, and we’re getting nowhere.

Though I am learning a little bit about how important it apparently is that we get this name thing right. We need a name that will not only get the kid from daycare through high school without being beat up, but at the same time stick with something authoritative that will sound good with “Doctor” before it or “CEO” after.

BabyCar is quick to inform me that all the names I like are less doctor/CEO and more custodian/drunk-girl-at-the-bowling-alley.

But in the battle of the names, she made one big mistake at dinner last night. I was saying that because our last name begins with W, we can’t really go with a name like Joshua Edward, on account of the problematic initials that result.

Until BabyCar jokingly mentioned it, little had I realized that our non-negotiable W opened the door for the greatest initials of all time – BMW. If only my parents had loved me enough to make me a Brian Michael or a Barry Matthew. Hell, I would have put up with Borat McGuillacuttie if it got me the initials BMW.

But alas, I got a J instead (and a JJ at that, though I managed to dodge that bullet growing up).

They say the best you can do as a parent is to give your kids the things you never had. I had it pretty good growing up, but if I can at least make sure that my kid has the best initials ever and more than eight channels on the TV, I can die knowing that I did all I could.

Though I suppose if BabyCar divorces me over this BMW thing and gives the baby her old last name, the whole thing is pretty a wash. I’ll let you know how it goes.